Chapters 7 and 8 of My Attempt at a Novel

Chapter 7: Uh, um, I guess they are dating
Flushing Shea: Uh, um, I have to admit that kissing you was not actually that bad. I mean, I kind of liked it.
Broadway Lorimer: Um, this is awkward, but, uh. I kind of liked it too.
Flushing Shea: Shouldn’t we be dating then?
Broadway Lorimer: Yeah, I guess so.
Flushing Shea: Well, then I guess we are dating now.
Broadway Lorimer: Wow, I am actually really happy that we are dating now.
Flushing Shea:I guess I am happy too.
*Flushing Shea and Broadway Lorimer share an embracing hug.*
The Studio Audience: Awwwwwwww!
End of Chapter 7.
Chapter 7 Footnotes: Yes, I know Chapter 7 was like, uh, half a page long. That is because, well, there is really nothing else to say in this chapter. I mean, they are dating, it is pretty simple, you should be able to get that without some long winded ten page fancy explanation from the author. And I mean, who cares how long the chapters are? Seriously, I am the author. I can make these chapters as long or as short as I see fit!
Chapter 8: I can Make my chapter Titles as Long as I want to, because it is my novel, is it your novel? No, I did not think so. So you will now have to suffer from a long winded unnecessary chapter title that reveals absolutely nothing about Chapter 8 itself. Bwahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahhaha!
The two lovebirds, Graham Lorimer, and the other two lovebirds entered into the Canadian cross breeding pregnancies help clinic.
Graham Lorimer: Hello, my name is Graham Lorimer, and I would like you to make the weird mutated puppy inside of this snake not shoot lazer beams out of its mouth.
Clinic Secretary: Uh, can you repeat that?
Graham Lorimer: There is a mutated lazer beam shooting mouthed puppy inside of this snake, can you make him not shoot lazer beams out of his mouth?
Clinic Secretary: Oh, that. I understand now. I think you’re looking for the De – Lazer Room, it is Room 76, and it is right down the hall.
(The group proceeds to walk down the hall, right to Room number seventy six, I mean, that is what the secretary said to do, and the secretary has worked here for twenty or so years, so I would think she knows what she is doing when she led them in the general direction of the room which is called Room 76.)
Graham Lorimer: Okay kids, who wants to open the door? I mean, kids, seriously, this door just looks like a load of fun, I mean, with its brass door knob, and its frame which seems to have been made from wood, or at least a substance that is very closely linked to the substance of wood. So, if I must say it once again… Which one of you children and/ or animals wants to open this beautiful door and show our group Room 76 for the first time?
(Broadway Lorimer, Flushing Shea,DeKalb, and Jefferson are all quiet, still continuing to not speak a single word, or even make the tiniest of noices, so tiny that there was a miniscule chance that Graham Lorimer would ever hear that noise, think they were giving him a positive response to his query, and have to open the gosh darn door.)
Graham Lorimer: Show some enthusiasm, people! As a punishment for your ever evident lack of enthusiasm, I have chosen the official opener of this door, the door to Room 76, and that official opener of this door, the door to Room 76 shall be the only person in this room named Graham Lorimer.
Man Walking Down Hall: Hey, I am Graham Lorimer. I guess you must want me, who is obviously the only person in this room named Graham Lorimer to be the official opener of this door, the door to Room 76.
(The Original Graham Lorimer opens his briefcase, ruffles through the assorted mess of things inside of it, and blindly located his T Mobile TZX 480 Cell Phone. Graham Lorimer then proceeded to violently throw his T Mobile TZX 480 Cell Phone at the New, Not Original Graham Lorimer.)
Graham Lorimer: Okay, that takes care of that. Does anyone else here have the name Graham Lorimer?
(A man in the waiting room raises his hand, signaling that he is also named Graham Lorimer.)
Graham Lorimer: (to receptionist at clinic) Um, miss, something is wrong here. I have had several men come up to me claiming they had the same name as me. They always said their name was…
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnancy Help Clinic: You do not even have to say anything more. They all said their names were Graham Lorimer.
Graham Lorimer: Uh, yeah, how in the heck did you know that? This place is getting creepy.
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnancy Help Clinic: I knew that because Graham Lorimer is the name of our great Communist leader, and, because he was looking out for all of us, and to save us from the heathenism which we learned to associate with capitalism, he asked us very nicely to legally change our names to match the name of his greatness, and we all complied.
Graham Lorimer: Why in the world would you comply with a demand that was that unreasonable? Why don’t you start riots and uprisings against this cruel and evil Communist dictator.
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnancy Help Clinic: I would not say those things if I were you.The Commie Cam will catch you.
Graham Lorimer: What in God’s name is the Commie Cam?
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Prenancy Help Clinic: The Commie Cam is the name of the cameras that are in every public place and every home, that watch out to make sure trouble makers do not try to reverse people’s brain washing.
Graham Lorimer: Brain washing? This place is getting scary, kids we are so totally out of here.
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnacny Help Clinic: Oh, I do not think you understand. Once you come in to Canada, you do not go out of Canada ever again.
Graham Lorimer: But why is this happening? Why are we being restrained from leaving your country?
The Receptionist at the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnancy Help Clinic: Well, let us put it this way. You know our secrets. Our brain washing. Our Communist dictatorship. Our mass changing of names. If you go back to America, there is a chance that you could leak out our secrets to the rest of the world. We can not let that happen. So, whenever tourists come in to Canada, they stay in Canada.
Graham Lorimer: (running on to roof, preparing fly his airplane to safety) You will never catch me now, Commie- nadians! (to Broadway Lorimer, Flushing Shea, and their respective pets, Jefferson, and DeKalb) Hurry kids! We need to get far, far away from this crazy place! And we need to get far, far away very, very fast.
(Graham Lorimer, Broadway Lorimer, Flushing Shea, Jefferson, and DeKalb are all successfully on the roof. The Commie- nadian police are very hot on their heels. Broadway Lorimer trips over a rock while on the roof. Flushing Shea then proceeds to pick up Broadway Lorimer and run her in to the plane, which was, at that point, all ready to take off and get away from the Commie-nadian Police.)
Broadway Lorimer: Oh my God, thank you Flushing Shea. You saved my life. I love you so much! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Flushing Shea: I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too!
Graham Lorimer: (as he is launching the plane off of the roof) You know what would fit this situation perfectly? A rousing polka tune!
All those other people: Yeah! Pol- ka! Pol- ka! Pol- ka! Pol- ka!
Graham Lorimer: Okay, here is how the Group Polkaing in an Airplane Challenge works. I put on this delightfully peppy polka music which I adore oh so much, and then I sing the first verse of our polka song. Then, Broadway Lorimer, you will be the polkaist who will sing the second erse of our polka song. Then the polkaing will proceed to you, Flushing Shea. So are we all clear of the Group Polkaing in an Airplane Challenge’s official rules and regulations? I think we are. So let us start this Group Polkaing in an Airplane Challenge. I will start, as I previously alluded to before.
(Graham Lorimer is now polkaing)
Oh, we almost got stuck in Canada,
They were such big Communists,
Flushing is now dating my daughter,
and we are on an airplane
(Broadway Lorimer is now polkaing)
Oh, we are running back to freedom,
far away from Canada,
thank God we’re alive,
I like Mr. Pibb
(Flushing Shea is now polkaing. He very noticably awkwardly stumbles through his verse, trying to sing the polka and create the polka at the same exact time.)
Oh, we are on a plane
um, uh, this is a private plane,
uh, eh, ah, um, this plane is really nice,
uh, it has free soda
Graham Lorimer: (not to anyone specifically) Well, I guess our little friend Flushing Shea has some polkaing problems. I think we should kick him off this air plane!
Broadway Lorimer: No Dad! Do not do it! He will fall right back on to Communist Canada!
Graham Lorimer: Wow, we are home already.
Flushing Shea: That was an interesting trip. This was a long week though.
Broadway Lorimer: Flushing Shea, what in the world are you talking about, it is only 7:45 PM. I met you at 3:45 PM. Our pets cross breeded at 4:05 PM. We found the bridge at 5:45 PM. We took off for Canada at 5:55 PM. We got in Canada at 6:05 PM. We left the office and got into the plane at 7:15 PM. And we encountered a little turbulence on the flight back, so it is now exactly 7:45 PM, wait, it is now 7:46 PM. The time changed while I was talking to you.

End of Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight Footnotes:
In the Canadian Cross Breeding Pets Pregnancy Help Clinic, the secretary and receptionist are the same character. And there will be many more polka parties to come, provided that you bought Mr. Pibb like I told you to several chapters ago. Yes, I know that we never included Broadway Lorimer’s little brother Flushing Lorimer. We will add him possibly during the next chapter. But while his family and neighbors and pets and neighbors pets have been being chased by Communist Canadian Police Officers, Flushing Lorimer has been doing whatever nine year olds do these days. Do they still play Pokemon? I guess they do. So Flushing Lorimer, has been so busy playing whatever the latest one of these Pokemon games is that he has not been able to do anything plot related up to this point. So, as I guide you into Chapter Nine, I must mention one thing, which has been mentioned several times so far in this novel. Mr Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious! lolol lolol!